Breakdown of Epic Proportions

Friends

I am posting twice today (I promise tomorrow will be a fashion post) but I am having the most craptastic day ever. Today I am carb cycling so that means EVERY SINGLE MEAL FOR TODAY IS QUINOA AND TILAPIA

I am absolutely MISERABLE. I mean I feel nauseous. I don’t want to eat every time I put a forkful in my mouth I want to spit it out. Now its not that its not tasty I literally feel sick! Nauseous is the only word I can use to describe what I am going through.

On top of it, I am mood swinging heavily. I mean I've cried at my desk about 3 times now….maybe once or twice in the bathroom. Seriously?! Did anyone else feel like this…or is it just a phenomena related to me?

I haven't been able to get a hold of my nutritionist and I am now getting a bit hungry and I dont want to CHEAT I don’t want anything except the right food and I don’t know what to eat.

I was so disgusted with my food literally every time I looked at it I would feel sick that I threw it out. I am having a hard day. I felt awful during my workout this morning too….cant I just have a can of tuna and rice cake and call it a day? I mean Eating the same awful meal 6 times is just too much. Most days doable today…not so much…

Sorry for the rant….

Feel better just saying it out loud.

Training 46 days out

Many people over the past few months have been asking me “why are you doing this?” or, “you look fine! and stop dieting”….Little do people know or realise that being involved in fitness competitions is a sport in and of itself. I also get asked why I want to do this even though, inherently I am a VERY shy person and hate the limelight. Somehow blogging seems safe and at a distance, but at the same time, when people tell me I cant  do something I want to do it even more to prove them wrong.

Those of you who don't know me personally, I was also overweight as a child and teen. Not super overweight, but I had extra insulation. I was a healthy person. I didn’t eat McDonalds, or fast food really, but I didn’t know how to eat and what foods were right for my body. I became a vegetarian and wouldn’t eat much in terms of protein and ended up as I would call it OD'ing on fruits and veggies.

Health has always been important to me. I went to school and became a Kinesiologist and worked as a personal trainer as well. Somehow I was able to help others, but not myself. I felt out of place among my family who were thin, couldn't share clothes with my sister or cousins and that too left me feeling awful about myself.

But I took control of my life and haven't looked back since. I learned what workouts provided results and incorporated meats back into my diet. The biggest thing I learned along the journey was cutting out refined sugars. Going home was the most difficult because my parents always have a fridge stocked with amazing goodies. But more and more these days, my parents are eating healthier and making healthier choices all round quinoa with curry instead of white rice, whole wheat flour and agave syrup instead of white sugar and so on and so forth.

Its become what I would call a food revolution.

I also took the plunge this year and hired a trainer and I WILL NOT GO BACK! I know its difficult for everyone to be able to afford one, but for me, having a trainer was most important in taking my training to the next level. Having a trainer really does help with going that extra step, that extra rep and provided guidance when I was feeling rough or down.

So to answer everyone's question about why I am doing this. Well.. IT'S FOR ME! I want to. I want to look amazing (though I know its fleeting) but learn how to maintain the body I have worked so hard for in both pre and post competition. I want to COMPETE AGAIN (I think its my good mood talking!)!

I'm 46 days away. Scared. Worried. And on an emotional roller coaster but today is a good day.

Lots of love friends.

N

Stroked Ego

Friends

Last week I attended an event hosted by Blackbook Events for the opening of Stroked Ego an new mens store in Ottawa

The event was absolutely fabulous and met some amazing Fashion bloggers again and made some new friends too...

Here are some picture from the event.

Aren't these cuff links great?

Julia (from Fashion Keeper) and I

What I am Wearing
Romper: Urban Behaviour
Belt: BCBG
Purse: Vintage 
Necklace: Brought as a gift from Africa
Earrings: India
Bracelets: F21
Booties: Coach

These Cupcakes were just precious! They had tiny underwear on them!

52 days

Woke up today PUMPED and ready to hit the gym have an amazing workout and GULP have the dreaded weigh in.

Every 8 days until competition, Trainer and I get on that god awful calibrated scale and watch my weight fluctuate. This morning I cringed and hated the number I saw.

I GAINED 3 pounds yo! In 1 week! And last week I was down a pound. I am suffice it to say more than a little upset and have been stewing over this number since I have been super strict with the diet. Discouraging? Yes…

BUT IT MAKES ME WANT TO WORK HARDER and prove EVERYONE wrong. I CAN AND WILL DO THIS!

Here is the Workout for Today
AM - 25 Min warm up (Got to the gym a little early so did a quick elliptical Workout)
1 hour with the Trainer (hams (deadlifts that kill my grip), Shoulders, Back and Triceps and ABS) TALK ABOUT ONE POWERFUL WORKOUT!

PM - After a Day of sitting at the Desk, I will be doing a 45 min cardio workout….(thinking 20 min treadmill and 25 min elliptical cause the QUADS and GLUTES are still on fire from Yesterdays workout)

Meal Breakdown (including Supplements)

AM - 1 TSP Coconut Oil
        - 1 TSP FISH Oil
        - 10 Grams Glutamine
        - 10 Grams BCAAs

4 oz Salmon and asparagus (attached is a picture of the lovely meal)

POST AM WORKOUT SUPPLEMENTS
        - 5 Grams Glutamine
        - 10 Grams BCAAs

Meals for the rest of the day?
Salmon and Asparagus x 4 or 5

DESSERT:
Trident Cool Colada Gum (used to be a mint only girl....these days i am willing to try anything to keep my sanity) and Decaf Vanilla Chai Tea




OH and funny story…After my workout got ready for work….buttoned my skirt…but somehow managed to forget to do up my zipper! EMBARRASSING! A lady in the bus was kind enough to let me know…

Ah well…

Trying to see all of the bright things in life today, despite feeling a little down and sick of fish!

xoxo

Silk Saris & Sunshine Saturdays

Loves

I know its been a while since my last post but with travelling to Toronto for a friends wedding, and pulling a muscle in my neck to the point where I could barely move, its been an interesting long weekend.

As most of you know, I grew up in Toronto and going back home this weekend made me more than a little homesick. I miss the big city more than I thought I did  and more so than anything, I miss home, my family and friends. Leaving Toronto filled me with anxiety and of course, I couldn't hold back the tears.

Sigh...

Back in O town now, but thought I would share some of my Sari pictures from the wedding. My Brother found a great spot to take some pretty pictures.

what I am wearing

Sari - Borrowed from Auntie B

Jewellery - Bangles (India)

               - Ring and Necklace (Borrowed from Auntie R)

Shoes: - Nine West

XOXO

Highs and Lows of Competition Prep

Cupcakes (yes I am calling you that...just roll with it)

I recently had what I would call a MELTDOWN...yup a full blown tear-jerker in front of my Trainer. Trainer (as we will now call him) is a lovely man (I don't think he would like to be called lovely, I would say maybe sarcastic dry sense of humour?) who has been helping to whip my butt into shape and take no nonsense from me. I honestly love working out with him and feel I push myself well beyond the point I normally would. He is fabulous!

I was having a bad day last week and decided to hell with this god-awful diet. I am going to splurge, buy a cookie, throw out HALF and just enjoy a little guilty pleasure. How crazy is that that? Normally a fruit would have sufficed, but that too is off limits for me right now. So, I go and eat this half cookie and low and behold TRAINER CATCHES ME! What are the chances of something like that happening? I felt so guilty about this cookie that I didn't even get to enjoy it and stewed over it all day and was fretting over my following session with him the next morning. I was even thinking of excuses not to go and hopefully he would forget what he saw.

Instead I sucked it up and went. Trainer asked me about the cookie and I full out cried. It was ugly and awful and just plain wrong! But he rolled with the punches. And was more than supportive. I really thought I was in for a HUGE scolding.

Regardless of my Meltdown, I am 60 days shy of competing and I CANNOT WAIT! I love the training aspect of it I mean I adore being in the gym. Crazy right?
It's the dieting and limiting what I can eat that makes me crazy. I have however found a great group of fitness bloggers who have been helping me move along just by listening to their stories. BikiniorBUst is one of them as is my Twitter friend and fellow competitor @BeccaheartsEggs. Its wonderful to have people out there take no nonsense either.

And when those people come and tell you well "what's one bite? And what's one sip?" Or want to "tempt" you to fall off the rails, that's when you need to stick to your guns the most.

I am learning this the hard way. And I ask you now more then ever to help support me in the last leg of my journey, because I can only surround myself with people who are positive and can SUPPORT me...(not judge or question or make fun).

So...this has clearly turned into a rant but the point of this post was also to tell you about my Carb cycling and what I am eating for the next few weeks. Which is why my emotions are so high and low.

Leather and Lace Part 2

Loves,

I want to thank you for the overwhelming comments from my first photoshoot ever! As you can see I have changed the About Me photo with many of you liking the last picture on Leather and Lace Part 1 


I have added a second post to this thread for some of the outtakes and more pictures on what was such a great experience. Andrew of photoVanBeek was gracious enough to take the pictures for me. As I mentioned before being infront of the camera is as nerve wrecking as it gets for me. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience. And if you can imagine it was probably the last time I saw sunlight as it has been raining and gloomy in Ottawa nonstop since then!

Andrew and I will be working together in the future but int he mean time take a look at his blog  where he showcases some of his talent!

Thank you again for all your support and kind words! And I know this is kind of a cop out because you have to look at the same outfit but I felt the need to post a few more of the outtakes.

What I am Wearing:
Dress: Forever 21
Belt: Urban Behavior 
Booties: Coach
Jewellery: Coach
Jacket: Mackage 
Sunglasses: Coach

Leather and Lace Part 1

Loves,

I have some exciting news...I've paired with an amazing photographer in Ottawa who graciously took my first photo shoot pics ever! I cant wait to show you all how I changed my outfit from day to night with his help.

This Ottawa Photographer has such an ease and helps his clients both male and female learn to let go and be natural (as natural as possible as it may be in a photo shoot setting).

Andrew of photoVanBeek is located in the heart of Downtown Ottawa in the Byward Market. His studio located above the restaurant Play, is a beautiful space, that allows natural sunlight to pour through. Not only is the studio a great space, he has some beautiful antique furniture. The Van Beek Studio was simplistic in nature, but has this ornate mirror that was to die for and if I could have some how snuck away with them, a pair of Damask lounging chairs (If am obsessed with the Damask pattern!).

Andrew and I will be working together int he future so be sure to look out for future posts and more about this amazing photographer and how he got started in the business. Make sure to check out his blog as well where he showcases some of his talent!

Would love to hear your thoughts on the outfit and the shoot!

What I am Wearing:
Dress: Forever 21
Belt: Urban Behavior 
Booties: Coach
Jewellery: Coach
Jacket: Mackage

One of these pictures is also going to become my "About Me"  Page Picture. Which one do you like best?

Fine Floral Gifts

Some of the best things in life are free, i.e. GIFTS!

I love receiving treats from friends and family, particularly hand-me-downs. I am a constant closet shopper and ask my family to "donate to my cause" as frequently as they wish to as I am on a no spending diet.

About a month ago, I was gifted with a BEAUTIFUL blouse from Kat  and was so excited to wear it. I love it when Those who read my blog are aware of my love for clothes accessories and trinkets. It's lovely to be on the receiving end of some many goodies.

What I am Wearing:
Blouse: Jones New York (Gifted from Kat)
Skirt: Vintage (belonged to my Auntie R 30 years ago!)
Hair Clips: Aldo

I am also joining the Everybody Everywear Challenge This Month - Florals!